10 Days to go

I'm beyond frustrated and going totally nuts!

Tuesday they rimmed my cervix and I actually had some contractions for about 1/2 an hour. I'm 1 1/2 cm dilated 50% effaced with bulging membranes....whatever that means. I do however know that I'm much further progressed than I was with Spencer when they rimmed my cervix so I figured that it was going to work. But nothing, they stopped and I haven't had one since. 

So now I bounce on a ball, walk huge malls for no reason, eat spicy Thai soup and get no results. I think I'm going to give up until next Tuesday.....Mentally I'm going crazy I don't want to be pregnant anymore because the longer I'm pregnant the more I feel like I will only ever be pregnant. Last night I was thinking about how many days I've actually been pregnant in the last two and a half years. It works out to roughly 567 days of being pregnant...... And I'm still counting down those days. 

I know that she's going to come out when she's ready and any prompting from soup isn't going to encourage her, just give her the hiccups. But I need her to be here now, I need to stop worrying about getting her here and just have her here because I'm on the verge of losing my mind. 

Add to that my in-laws and their disrespectful boundary less desires to be at the hospital. This is a little tid bit I learned just yesterday. I've made it clear for months now that I don't want house guests around for the first few weeks. It's important to me that we get 3 on 3 family bonding time. I want to be settled in, I want to have those moments with my child and I DO NOT want my in-laws interfering with that important time for me. But that seems to be falling on deaf ears. You see I thought it was the few weeks after that I needed to be clear about, but now I'm being told they might just come down.....still have no idea when or for how long or if they will even be staying. No one wants to tell me anything because why bother she's just going to get mad anyway. Then yesterday I'm told that MIL wants to be at the hospital.........ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? Do we not all remember how things went down last time she was at the hospital cause I remember. Really really well and there is no friggen way I want that kind of energy around me when I want to be at peace and relaxed and comfortable in my tiny birth giving bubble. So now not only do I not know if they are coming this weekend and for how long, I now get to stress about the fact that if I ask my husband not to call them when we are going to the hospital I simply don't know what he's going to do. AND THEN even if we've expressed that we don't want them around they will probably come anyway. This is what is on my mind. This, these rude ignorant people are torturing me in my thoughts when I should be focused on this baby and the happiness and joy she's about to bring us. I'm angry all over again just typing this!! So I'm sure I'll have a good story once this all plays out, I can however guarantee they aren't going to come out on top of this one. 

So here we sit, waiting, wondering what's going to happen next week. I'm hoping they don't jerk me around, I'm hoping that at 9:30 on Tuesday they will rim me again, submit paperwork for an induction and I just go into labor on the spot and off we go. OR they call me that very morning and tell me to come in right away. Perfect world right? Well I don't come from one of those and that's what tortures me even more. 

So here we are 10 days away from my due date nothing is going as well as I'd like it to and this baby just wants to stay comfortable in my uterus. But really after reading all of that crap can you blame the girl?

Comments

[alicia]

ahh I am pulling out hair in frustration for you! this is YOUR time, why oh why do people think they have a right to that??? I really really hope they stay away Jen, you are right, you don't need this stress. Sending baby get out vibes your way! Come on Scarlett the world wants to meet you soo sooo bad!

[Kerry]

I've been waiting to hear how you're doing - I don't want to bug you because I know you've got so much on your plate. Parents for some reason feel like they have a right to be there, regardless of whether their kids want them there or not. I remember specifically telling my parents that we didn't want anyone around for the first week and my mom came up as soon as she found out I was in the hospital.

Just remember, it's about you, getting your baby here and I know Jason will be a wonderful advocate for you. Lean on him and let him do the communicating with his parents so you don't get all stressed out.

If they do decide to come and you want to get out of the house for a bit this weekend, let me know, I'm always up for doing something.

Maybe it's time to start considering an erotic birth - that might keep Jay's parents away...

[Sally]

Oh not you, too! We went through this as well. All we wanted was some time out. I feel for you, sweetie. So close now. Oh god I can remember the sheer trauma of those last weeks all too well. Emotionally draining to say the least.
xo